How can I raise kids that won’t keep secrets from me?
Question by Guress: How can I raise kids that won’t keep secrets from me?
I have a few fears when it comes to starting a family; Kids that don’t trust me, keep secrets from me like I did to my parents. Growing up I had a wild life, in the fast lane but came home to very unsuspecting parents. Whenever my parents found out anything about me they nearly had heart attacks. I hated not being close enough to them to confide in them but my parents made it clear from childhood that they were my parents not my friends later on as I got older they wanted to change that but it was too late. Friendships don’t come over night.
I don’t want to be that kind of parent. When I have children of my own how do I raise them to respect me as a parent but also know that I’m a friend as well? That whenever something happens I’m there. I just can’t be the clueless parent that my parents were. Unlike my parents I’m very open mindedd andfree spiriteded. Sex is not a taboo subject for me, growing up my parents never talked about the birds and the bees. Everything I learned came from other people.
Tips?
How do you start that friend bond with your children?
What do you think? Answer below!
3 Responses to How can I raise kids that won’t keep secrets from me?
Leave a Reply
It’s not exactly a friend bond — you’re NOT their friend, you’re their parent. What you need to do is cultivate an atmosphere of trust and respect (that goes BOTH ways) — they need to know that they can come to you with anything, and that you will help them find the best way(s) to deal with things. Part of that means taking off your judgemental hat — when they screw up, the conversation’s not about how rotten they are, but about ways to make restitution, ways to behave differently in the future.
Closeness grows out of that mutual trust and respect, but you’re not trying to be best buds – you still have to parent. There just has to be lots of safe space for conversation.
mollysmom
March 17, 2012 at 4:52 am
This is a problem of yours, not your children. The only solution is how you learn to cope with your concerns, fears, and insecurities. It is completely normal for children to lie. Excessively, no. But that’s why we say “excessively”, i.e. because some lying is normal and natural.
Herschel
March 17, 2012 at 5:26 am
First of all, there will be times when you simply cannot be your child’s friends at all. So, understand that.
But I do know what you mean, my mom was the same way. I couldnt tell her anything. I spent the night with a friend once, we walked 4 blocks down a private drive to another friends house for an hour, and I was never allowed to go to the friend’s house again because I wasnt where I said I was and all that.
I learned early on to just lie rather than tell my mom the truth.
I havnt been a parent yet, but my tip based on my own childhood is to always make sure the communication lines are open. Dont freak out when your kids tell you something you dont want to hear. That freaking out is what made me start lieing about everything.
midnightmoon
March 17, 2012 at 6:03 am