how can I get my step kids under control?
Question by beautifulbabygurl1123: how can I get my step kids under control?
My boyfriend has 2 daughters…Alyson is 5 years old, and Alyssa is 4 years old. In the beginning they listened to me and quickly did what I asked with out any problem and I never had to even slightly raise my voice to them. But here lately, it seems like everytime daddy walks out that door and they are sure hes gone they decide that they get out of control. They dont listen to what I say, they dont do anything I ask no matter how many times I calmly nicely ask them….and when I end up raising my voice just a little bit, they are even more out of control. Than when daddy gets back they are little angels again. And they run and tell him I was really mean to them….and everyone else tells them that I was completely out of line with them and extremely rude and cruel with them the whole time. But what can I do to get them to listen to me again and do what I ask them the first time without haveing to resort to getting upset and raising my voice??? Does anyone have any suggestion/advice??
What do you think? Answer below!
4 Responses to how can I get my step kids under control?
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First I would suggest that you and your boyfriend sit down and discuss all the issues pertaining to his children…then you both need to present a united front around the children when it comes to displine, etc…otherwise there will be problems, more so later then what you have now….
kelly3546
November 10, 2013 at 8:35 pm
first you need to Sit your boy friend down an tell him what the girls are doing when he leave and tell him how they are out of control and then you need to tell him that he needs to have a talk with the girls about there behavior when he’s gone. he has to tell them that they have to listen to you cause somebody told those kids that they didn’t have to listen to you. that’s not fare to you cause you have to deal with the mess those girls give you. if that don’t work then you tell him he have to find somebody else to keep them while he not home. see what happens then. he needs to tell every body else to mind there business. if they have a problem with the way you talk to the girls then they watch them.
queenmika2005
November 10, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Yes–trying to handle children, especially when they are not your own, can be very frustrating. You begin asking yourself “How much control am I expected to have since I am not the biological parent?” Regardless, you are expected to exhibit some measure of control, especially when their father is not around. Firstly, if I had to talk to you in person, I would ask if you have bonded well with the kids and have established a good, keen rapport with them. This underlying basis can make a huge difference when it comes to disciplinary issues. Secondly, if you have spent sufficient time with them, you should by now know their likes and dislikes. Use that as “currency” in your dealings with them, especially if you’re having problems with handling them. For example, if they are misbehaving for some reason and you know their favorite TV show is either on or soon coming on, I would quietly unplug the TV/Cable unit, hide the remote control and just go about my business, instead of constantly raising my voice at them. Don’t ignore them but just quietly explain that the reason why you did what you did was in connection to their misbehaviour. That’s just one example. I’m sure you can think of other creative ways to gain control of the situation. Sure…they’ll raise a stink about it and say you’re mean or even say they hate you but is that worse than having them walk over you and in a sense having them “control” you? You have to remain steadfast and establish some measure of boundaries with them, so that they know who’s boss when Dad isn’t at home and that you aren’t an easy push-over. Children like to test boundaries and see how far they can push. You’ve got to show that they can’t push you very far when it comes to indiscipline. Remember…the key word is “currency” and using the right currency to gain adequate control. However, I must strongly advise that you and your boyfriend must be on the same page when it comes to this matter of discipline. You both must discuss and agree upon any disciplinary measures used to control the children and most importantly, the children need to be aware that he totally backs you 100% on such matters. Otherwise, it will be a classic case of divide and conquer. I know it’s hard but no one said parenting was easy.(I apologise for the length of this response.)
drewster
November 10, 2013 at 9:52 pm
Don’t let these kids run over you and trust me they will if you let them and break your marriage up at the same time.As far as what people say tell them you are the one that’s being treated badly not them and mind their own business.You need to tell their dad in front of them the problems you have when he leaves tell him those wings turn in to horns .This question really sat fire to me I have two step daughters which are grown now Julie the youngest who is 21 now had her since she was 13 we have always got alone like a charm she calls me mom and i get on her just as i do my own grown children, Lisa the oldest step daughter is a total drama queen with horns she lies so much its unreal she has 3 children of her own divorced living with another guy .She use to run to her dad every time her mom made her mad or her boyfriend dint kiss her butt talk about them like dogs her dad had 3 heart-attacks so i put a stop to her as well as her dad its bee three yrs since we saw her she called the other day yelling at her dad and called his sister told lies you wouldn’t believe her dad wont talk to her now and of course its good old step moms fault ,i took her crap for several years but no more i will have her arrested for harassment then she can really see the step mom from hell stop it now or your life will be a nightmare
sclady62001p
November 10, 2013 at 10:37 pm