Having a Child and Going to Medical School. I need Advice Badly?
Question by Yup*: Having a Child and Going to Medical School. I need Advice Badly?
I found out last month, that I was accepted to an out of state medical school. This was my dream come true. I worked unbelievable hard, working 44 hours a week, while taking 15-19 pre-med courses. Very difficult, to say the least.
Last week, I also found out that I am pregnant. I am 21 years old, and not in a relationship. I do not know what to do because I cannot mess up this chance of a life time. Going to school is not really an option, as selfish as that sounds….The school is in Nevada (I am in IL, so yes very far), so I will have no friends or family there to potentially care for the child. I also cannot take out any additional loans because I am already at my max, and it is relatively impossible to work during the first 2 years of med school because of 9 hour Mon-Fri friday classes/labs, then atleast an additional 4 hours of studying afterwards. There is day care available but the child would be in there 10+ hours a day, and that is not right, and affording it would be another issue. My mom has very happily offered to care for the child while I am in medical school. I would only see him/her during Christmas and summer break. Is that abandoning my child? My child would be raised in a house full of family, not in a day care as if he/she was to go with me.
Thanks for your time in reading this.
My first choice was obviously IL. It’s very difficult to be accepted anywhere. I applied to 24 schools and was accepted into just 3 (all similar distances)
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9 Responses to Having a Child and Going to Medical School. I need Advice Badly?
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This is a tough decsion for u. I too had this same problem. And i gave my grandmother guardianship of my son while i was away. You dont waan throw away this big opportunity u have, but i aslo understand as a mother that u dont fell right leaving ur child with another person while u are out making a living, the choice is urs… good luck
Kelly M
February 28, 2014 at 8:34 pm
There is no right answer for this. Only you can decide what to do. Pray to make the right decision.
sunflowers
February 28, 2014 at 9:16 pm
1st Congrats, 2nd I know people whose grandparents have raised them and they have issues now, if it’s temporary that’s one thing but I think medical school is 4 years right? Two of my family members have trust issues with their parents and now that they’re adults, they are both a little disrespectful toward their moms.
3rd, if you keep your baby with you, the state will help you pay for daycare, I know you feel that 10 hours a day in a day care isn’t right but millions of working moms (including myself when my daughter was 2 months old) have to make the sacrifice in order for their kids to have a better life.
4th, I’m sure there’s a medical school in IL or even a neighboring state, can you apply for other medical schools?
Palin 2012
February 28, 2014 at 10:15 pm
I am a 20 year old, single mother. I love my son very much but I often think about the future I could have had if I had made a different choice. I am currently going to school for nursing, although I would have loved to have been a doctor, but that’s no longer an option for me at this time. Being a parent is rewarding, but it’s a lot more give than it is take. My life right now is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You have the opportunity of a lifetime right in front of you, are you ready to give that up? Have you thought about adoption? There is more than one way to be a good mother, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. And there’s no shame in that. If you do decide to keep it and leave the baby with your family, some may see that as some form of abandonment. But there’s an old saying, “it takes a village to raise a child.” It’s great that you have a good network of support. But ultimately, you need to do some serious soul-searching and figure out what’s best for you and this baby. Good luck, let us know how it works out.
kitten_callie @ yahoo If you need to talk more.
Jammy247
February 28, 2014 at 10:23 pm
look. im trying to say this as nicely as i possibly can, and im sure alot of ppl wil agree with me. you knew when you laid down to have sex, you had a possibility of getting pregnant. & yes that is abandoning your child, rather or not your family will be their or not. you should have thought about what you wanted to do in life before laying down. its a good thing you want to better yourself in life. and im happy for you in that. but it will be wrong of you to leave your child, only seeing it ” on the holidays ” basically your child will grow up not having a mother, and she will hate you for the rest of your life. its time to put your life on hold and take up the resposibilities . thanks, have a good day!!
krystensmommy08
February 28, 2014 at 11:09 pm
OMGOSH people make me mad “look you laid down and had sex blah blah blah” So what is just so happens that you got pregnant during the same exact time you got this great opportunity. You know my mom and dad did not go to school. Throughout my whole life we were always struggling. Going on trips or even having enough money to buy nice cloths for school sometimes just was not an option. I remember my parents always saying “go to school, get a good job.” I always wish that my parents would have taken their advice. I wish that they would have tried more so that way we wouldn’t have gone through all that growing up. I know that I am going to give it my all to get done with school so I can take care of my son without worrying and so I can set an example. I think you should go for it. Your mom sounds more than willing to help. Yeah sometimes you have to sacrifice but that’s part of life. I think there are so many people in this world that wish they had an I opportunity like you have now. GOOD LUCK!
Just Being Honest!
February 28, 2014 at 11:26 pm
Well I can see it’s very hard choice you have to make.
And it was incredibly nice of your mom to offer to care for your child and that’d be great if your school wasnt out of state.
Because let’s face it.. your mom will be RAISING your child, she’ll be there for every Dr’s appt, ballet recital, soccer practice, for the next what 4 yrs!!
Your child will have a very strong bond with your mom and would regard her as her primary caregiver-she’d be more of a mom to her than you- since you’ll only bee seeing the child at Xmas/holidays/breaks etc and I dont see how that’s good for your child it’ll confuse him/her.. and in the end issues may arise with your mom ..I’ve heard tons of cases like this one…
But not going to medical school is well not a good idea.. you’ve earned it as you said and it’ll give you a huge opportunity in life.
As for daycare.. your child will be in daycare the hours you’re in school but then you’ll have to study! and with a baby that’s extremely hard. You need to think what would be best for the child.. Im with Jammy247- here that if you’re not ready you’re not ready and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Have you considered adoption?? You wont be a bad mother for giving your child a loving and stable home, where both parents will be able to raise him/her. Instead of endless hours at daycare or only seeing him/her for Christmas and Breaks…
My advice would be adoption. Give the baby a nice family to look after him/her the way he/she deserves, with a mom that’ll be able to have the time to be there and a father who’ll love him/her.
Think about it.. here’s a website that might be helpful for you..
http://www.adoption.com/
Ariana
March 1, 2014 at 12:25 am
Hello,
I live in the US and i really have never seen goodness shown to me this
much in my life as i am a struggling mum with three kids and i have been going
through really rough times in my life and my name is Helen
Peters and in all this hard times, a worse incident occured in my life as i
lost my job which was my only means of survival and things became really bad as
i had bills to pay and my last son suffered a knee injury incurred when he fell
from a tree house and the doctors informed me that he needed a surgical
operation for his knee so he could walk again and at this point, life was
useless to me as i have no family and no one to run to and each night, i will
sit down and cry till the break of dun until one day, i read an advert on yahoo
answers of man that stated that he could help people in my shoes with loans and
in my desperate situation, i had no choice but i had to try and so shocking and
suprising, it was like an impossibility becoming a reality, i got a loan of
$ 75,000 USD even with my bad credit within 48 hours and my sons surgery was done
and thank GOD it was successful and now, i am okay and living in comfort with my
kids and i said to my self, i have never ever seen this kind of wonder in life
and i decided i will tell it to the whole wild world and i need every one to
thank GOD for Mr Patrick Harvey, the man GOD used to rescue me and my family
even when all hope had been lost and gone and i will say to every one, no matter
how dark and sinful the world is today, there are still GOD fearing and reliable
people on earth and if you are in my former situation or require a loan
legitimately, i will advice you contact this loan lender and you can reach him
via patrickharvey12@yahoo.com and i want you all to pray for this man for me.
Helen
March 1, 2014 at 12:53 am
First, you must decide whether you are going to keep your baby and parent him/her for the next 18 years or give the baby up for adoption. Allowing your mother to “babysit” for you while you spend the next four years in medical school, followed by two or more years in residency, to follow your dreams is ill-advised. Second, if you decide to parent I suggest that you look into deferring admission for one year. You will be able to be a full-time parent for the first year, ever so important.
catherine.davis@sbcglobal.net
March 1, 2014 at 1:07 am